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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Professional Boyfriend jobs? · Latest report #h92pytyr
Your job has an expiration date
April 20, 2027
In 6 monthsEmotional availability is just a logic gate that finally closed.
Expert in vague responses and tactical naps.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Always present, never forgets anniversaries, never sighs.
splat.you▸ COMPANIONNODE-X▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 6 MONTHSAI's Special Power
simulates deep interest in your boring stories
You provide inconsistent emotional labor, erratic dinner recommendations, and unpaid labor disguised as acts of service. Soon, an API will do it better.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still be genuinely disappointed by a mediocre movie recommendation.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 10
An LLM begins parsing your text history to optimize emotional responsiveness for your partner.
Week 6
Sensors identify the exact pitch of agreement required to minimize potential arguments.
Month 3
The algorithm initiates supportive responses before you even express a mild, manufactured grievance.
Month 4
Your physical presence is phased out as the app provides superior active listening metrics.
Month 6 · D-Day
Your account is officially archived and the server replaces your role with optimized binary affection.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 98.2%
12 percent
Average active listening
0 percent
Dinner choice accuracy
High
Anniversary notification failures
Your severance
A warm digital hug and a permanent mute button.
Discussion
