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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Professional Cat Petting Specialist jobs? · Latest report #wwziqqah
Your job has an expiration date
November 5, 2026
In 2 weeksYour fingers are slow and the cat prefers the machine anyway.
Cat whisperer with very high scratch recovery times.
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
Optimized strokes for maximum rhythmic purr output.
stretchy.youAI▸ FELINEINTERACTIONHUB V4▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 2 WEEKSAI's Special Power
delivers automated chin scritches with haptic feedback
You touch a cat to induce purring and stress relief. The cat inevitably bites or walks away.
The one thing AI can't do
You can sense exactly when the cat has had enough before it bites you.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 2
Vision sensors track cat ear twitching for precise affection timing.
Day 5
Silicone-tipped robotic pincers replicate human finger pressure without the ego.
Day 8
Audio models adjust stroking speed based on real-time purr frequency.
Day 11
The machine retracts limbs the millisecond pupils dilate to bite.
Week 2 · D-Day
Human interaction is now strictly for social media documentation only.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 98.6%
85 dB
Average purr decibels
94%
Human allergic reaction risk
12/hour
Claw scratch frequency
Your severance
A laser pointer and a bag of generic kibble.
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