Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Professional Corporate Lubricant Technician jobs? · Latest report #zbk7zgwp
Your job has an expiration date
September 21, 2028
In 1 year, 11 monthsYour skin is the only thing slower than your career trajectory.
Dignity-optional specialist in condiment-based labor
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Consistent coating without the awkward eye contact.
split.youAI▸ MAYOSPRAYER V2▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 11 MONTHSAI's Special Power
applies condiment with zero emotional resonance
Application of high-viscosity emulsions to biological surfaces per management mandate. Manual tactile sensory compliance and epidermal coverage verification.
The one thing AI can't do
You possess a unique, albeit deeply concerning, tolerance for humiliating workplace requests.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Month 3
Sensors map your current coverage area to optimize condiment distribution density.
Month 8
The machine mimics room temperature to ensure the boss notices no difference.
Month 13
Precision spray heads replace your hands for uniform, high-speed layering.
Month 18
The machine eliminates the need for any verbal or emotional feedback.
Year 1.9 · D-Day
The machine begins operation, leaving you to ponder your life choices in peace.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97.1%
4 sq in/s
Average spread rate
100% subjective
Boss satisfaction
0%
Dignity retention
Your severance
A lifetime supply of expired sandwich spread.
Discussion
