Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Professional Couch Enthusiast jobs? · Latest report #47sdyg5v
Your job has an expiration date
October 25, 2026
In 3 daysGravity is the only thing currently keeping you employed at home.
Horizontal life-form operating at peak relaxation efficiency.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Doing absolutely nothing, but with better uptime.
oof.youAI▸ SLOTH-MATIC 9000▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 3 DAYSAI's Special Power
perfects the art of existential inertia
You occupy space, maintain a horizontal orientation, and manage caloric intake with zero oversight.
The one thing AI can't do
You are actually quite good at staring at the ceiling for hours.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 1
Cameras track your nap duration to improve home comfort settings.
Day 2
Robots bring drinks directly to the couch to minimize movement.
Day 2
The couch is fully automated and you are no longer required.
Day 2
Your role is fully superseded by an optimized chair.
Day 3 · D-Day
The chair performs the sitting process without human assistance.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97.5%
18 hours
Couch time
Critical
Beverage intake
Zero
Productivity output
Your severance
One complimentary cushion and a light-blocking blind.
Discussion
