Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Professional Funeral Mourner jobs? · Latest report #x2t6s7u5
Your job has an expiration date
April 20, 2027
In 6 monthsYour simulated tears are less authentic than a glitchy video loop.
Professional grief-actor, emotionally exhausted, perpetually in mourning.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Synthetic grief delivered with perfect, haunting precision.
ow.youAI▸ DOLORBOT-X9▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 6 MONTHSAI's Special Power
triggers synchronized emotional outburst at graveside
Professional criers provide scripted sorrow, loud wailing, and performative grief at funeral services to manipulate the emotional atmosphere for paying clients.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still awkwardly make eye contact during a eulogy to ensure maximum discomfort.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 8
Natural language models identify the peak emotional beats for optimal synthetic sobbing frequency.
Week 7
High-fidelity speakers replace human vocal chords to produce perfectly modulated, tear-filled whimpering sounds.
Month 3
High-resolution displays project realistic weeping faces onto mourning-compliant, discreet aesthetic housing.
Month 5
Automated units are positioned at funeral sites to provide background sorrow without human fatigue.
Month 6 · D-Day
All human weeping services are terminated in favor of superior, error-free algorithmic mourning.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97.1%
14.2
Wails Per Minute
88dB
Average Sob Decibels
99.9%
Tear Duct Efficiency
Your severance
A box of used tissues and a digital apology.
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