Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Professional Hamburglar jobs? · Latest report #hae2hsgh
Your job has an expiration date
September 21, 2028
In 1 year, 11 monthsMasked antics provide less value than a automated, high-velocity patty launcher.
Masked operative of illicit fast-food acquisition.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Stealing your lunch with perfect precision.
help!youAI▸ PATTY-SNATCHER 9000▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 11 MONTHSAI's Special Power
swipes entire inventories in one millisecond
You specialize in the illicit acquisition of fast-food inventory. Your role involves stealth, rapid retrieval, and high-stakes snack theft.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still perform the dramatic cape-swish exit without accidentally tripping a proximity sensor.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 8
Sensors identify your exact flight paths through the kitchen to calculate optimal snack-theft trajectories.
Month 8
Smart-locks replace your improvised entry methods with encrypted biometric verification systems.
Month 14
Automated kiosks relocate all snack stock into unreachable, hardened containment pods.
Month 19
Computer vision models track motion, rendering your stealth techniques entirely visible to security systems.
Year 1.9 · D-Day
You are formally replaced by a wall-mounted claw that is faster and lacks moral ambiguity.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 95.7%
42
Burglaries per Shift
99.8%
Snack Retrieval Success
8 Hours
Average Mask Wear Time
Your severance
A lifetime supply of lukewarm, pre-chewed sesame seeds.
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