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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Professional Handshaker jobs? · Latest report #5na3n279
Your job has an expiration date
September 21, 2028
In 1 year, 11 monthsYour firm grip is just a handshake-latency optimization problem.
Professional Handshaker (specialist in firm but non-threatening palm contact)
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Firm, moist, and perfectly timed pressure.
glub.youAI▸ GRIPPO-MATIC 3000▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 11 MONTHSAI's Special Power
delivers palm sweat with perfect timing
You grasp palms and pump arms to simulate human connection for corporate optics. It is purely mechanical theater.
The one thing AI can't do
You can sense the exact moment of social anxiety in an awkward grip.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 5
Sensors record your exact grip force for data replication.
Month 6
Thermal pads replicate the warmth of a human palm.
Month 11
AI predicts the optimal pump frequency for maximum trust.
Month 16
The pods replace you in high-traffic lobby settings.
Year 1.9 · D-Day
You are replaced by a grip-calibrated robotic terminal.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97.3%
0.01 psi
Grip pressure deviation
Adjustable
Hand-sweat simulation
Infinite
Smile persistence
Your severance
One automated high-five and a severance coupon.
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