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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Professional High Fiver jobs? · Latest report #xeh988w3
Your job has an expiration date
September 21, 2028
In 1 year, 11 monthsA palm-to-palm impact is a low-bandwidth handshake for the technologically illiterate.
Full-time manual contact enthusiast with zero vertical reach.
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
Precision haptics for every milestone.
ow.you▸ IMPACTSYNC 9000▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 11 MONTHSAI's Special Power
calibrates contact force for maximum morale boost
You provide manual haptic engagement for celebratory social feedback loops. Automation handles the trajectory, force, and contact surface with significantly higher reliability.
The one thing AI can't do
You can accurately judge the specific emotional weight behind a teammate's clumsy celebratory swing.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Month 3
Sensors map your movement patterns to replicate the perfect arc and velocity of a standard high-five.
Month 8
A pneumatic piston mimics the tactile resistance and palm-slap sound frequency found in human-to-human contact.
Month 13
Software updates ensure the arm speed matches the celebratory intensity required by the environment.
Month 18
Automated misting systems sanitize contact pads between every single interaction to eliminate transmission risk.
Year 1.9 · D-Day
Human input is disabled as the ImpactSync 9000 assumes permanent control over all corporate physical celebrations.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 98.4%
99.9%
Palm contact precision
Zero
Missed hits
Minimal
Surface friction error
Your severance
A box of powdered chalk and a firm nod.
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