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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Professional Homecoming Date jobs? · Latest report #7hpnw9bq
Your job has an expiration date
October 16, 2027
In 12 monthsPaying for a fake teenage romance is the peak of human inefficiency.
Professional proxy for socially stagnant teenagers
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
Authentic teenage indifference, now on demand.
oof.youAI▸ DATESIM-9000▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 12 MONTHSAI's Special Power
projects perfect teenage apathy onto your date
You are hired to simulate teenage social competency for wealthy, anxious parents. This involves performative awkwardness and strictly supervised small talk.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still awkwardly dodge parental questions about your future during a slow dance.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 6
Parents upload social anxiety profiles directly to the cloud for sentiment analysis.
Month 4
Generative vision models select the statistically optimal tuxedo or dress for maximum social validation.
Month 7
Large language models generate pre-scripted teenage small talk that sounds sufficiently bored.
Month 10
High-fidelity projection units replace the need for physical attendance at the actual dance.
Month 12 · D-Day
The client realizes nobody noticed the DateSim-9000 wasn't real, rendering your presence fully redundant.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 96%
94%
Average social anxiety level
12:1
Parental disappointment coefficient
4k+
Hours spent pretending to like music
Your severance
A lifetime supply of lukewarm punch and social regret.
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