Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Professional Mourner jobs? · Latest report #vythbsc8
Your job has an expiration date
April 16, 2028
In 1 year, 6 monthsCrying on cue is just a script that we already finished writing.
Professional grief expert (with excellent tear-duct control).
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Sorrow, delivered with surgical precision.
split.youAI▸ WEEP-O-MATIC 9000▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 6 MONTHSAI's Special Power
delivers eulogies with perfect, haunting cadence
You provide emotional gravity for funerals. We provide high-fidelity emotional resonance simulations.
The one thing AI can't do
You can offer a genuine, messy, unpredictable hug that algorithms just cannot replicate yet.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 7
Sensors map the facial expressions and cadence of human sorrow.
Month 4
Digital displays project believable expressions of mourning in controlled environments.
Month 7
Software learns to trigger vocal wails at the appropriate funeral beats.
Month 12
Robot arms deploy to offer steady, firm support to the grieving.
Month 18 · D-Day
Humans are replaced by pods that never lose their composure.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 96.6%
4.2 mL
Average tear output per hour
99.8%
Sincerity calibration accuracy
$0.02
Cost per sob
Your severance
A lifetime supply of waterproof mascara.
Discussion
