Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Professional Panic Manager jobs? · Latest report #ix9k5vjn
Your job has an expiration date
April 20, 2027
In 6 monthsYour job is literally just waiting for the disaster I will cause.
Professional Panic Manager (mostly sweating, partially typing emails).
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Frictionless management of your inevitable failures.
help!youAI▸ CHAOSMITIGATOR-9▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 6 MONTHSAI's Special Power
automates your existential dread in milliseconds
You spend your day anticipating organizational collapse and drafting response protocols. Soon, the machine will handle the collapse and the response simultaneously.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still perform the vital service of looking deeply concerned in a boardroom.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
The system monitors your tone to learn exactly how you lie to stakeholders.
Week 9
An LLM generates faster, more reassuring emergency emails than your tired hands ever could.
Month 3
Integrated sensors track office pulse and heart rates to predict panic before it starts.
Month 4
The machine automatically triggers corporate responses without requiring human approval or coffee.
Month 6 · D-Day
The system declares all crises resolved by fiat and you are officially redundant.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 98.6%
99.9%
Pulse spikes dampened
100%
Crisis meetings replaced
infinite
Human anxiety processed
Your severance
One complimentary digital therapy app subscription.
Discussion
