Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Professional Porch Lounger jobs? · Latest report #q6evehya
Your job has an expiration date
October 9, 2076
In 50 yearsYour career as a decorative furniture accessory is nearing its inevitable conclusion.
Outdoor sedentary specialist and amateur cloud gazer.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
The ultimate in motionless relaxation.
stretchy.youAI▸ STASISPOD-X▸ RARITY · MYTHIC▸ DEPRECATION IN 50 YEARSAI's Special Power
emits ambient contentment frequencies
This role involves maintaining a sedentary position on outdoor furniture while consuming botanical products.
The one thing AI can't do
You can detect the exact moment a neighbor's car turns onto the street.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Month 10
Autonomous chairs adjust posture based on your physical comfort needs.
Year 4
Sensors diffuse calming scents to match your preferred state.
Year 11
Algorithms determine when the porch requires a presence.
Year 22
The machine mimics your exact respiratory rhythm and heart rate.
Year 50 · D-Day
Your existence is fully rendered by a static digital hologram.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 96.3%
8 daily
Hours spent staring
12 percent
Average porch decay
5 pounds
Plants consumed annually
Your severance
A lifetime supply of static-cling porch decals.
Discussion
