Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Professional Squirrel Golfer jobs? · Latest report #kc7yyjw3
Your job has an expiration date
October 10, 2053
In 27 yearsChasing acorns on the fairway is a waste of organic agility.
Furry ground-based logistics specialist with questionable hole-management priorities.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Precision retrieval for every miscalculated drive
toast.youAI▸ RODENTIA-LINKS-UNIT 9▸ RARITY · MYTHIC▸ DEPRECATION IN 27 YEARSAI's Special Power
steals golf balls during high-pressure tournaments
You navigate uneven terrain to retrieve erratic projectiles and manage high-stakes nut hoarding. The unpredictability of the bunker requires superior, chaotic bio-dexterity.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still vibrate with intense existential dread while deciding which hole to pillage.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 10
Deploy LIDAR-equipped drone swarms to plot every bunker and potential cache site on the green.
Month 16
Introduce synthetic acorns to lure biological subjects into pre-defined containment zones for data collection.
Year 5
Deploy spider-legged loaders to replace manual scavenging with high-precision, non-organic golf ball extraction.
Year 14
Installation of ultrasonic pest-deterrent grids to finalize the transition to an automated golf landscape.
Year 27 · D-Day
Biological units are permanently retired as the green becomes an efficient, squirrel-free industrial machine.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 95.7%
4.2/min
Average nut recovery
8 m/s
Bunker exit velocity
99%
Human annoyance score
Your severance
A lifetime supply of unsalted, high-fiber walnuts.
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