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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Research Statistician jobs? · Latest report #s7i6v5v8
Your job has an expiration date
May 24, 2028
In 1 year, 7 monthsYour models are just fancy ways to tell computers to guess better.
Spatio-temporal mapper of things that definitely aren't moving.
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
Predicting the future faster than your committee.
help!youAI▸ STATENGINE DOE-9▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 7 MONTHSAI's Special Power
optimises complex distributions in milliseconds
You build complex spatio-temporal models for physical systems. You write scripts to turn messy sensor data into predictions.
The one thing AI can't do
You can tell when a sensor is physically broken versus just spitting out bad data.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
Smart agents now scrub your noisy sensor datasets without human input.
Month 4
Neural networks generate optimal spatial structures for physical system simulations.
Month 8
Large language models translate raw statistical outputs into formal government reports.
Month 13
Automated peer-review bots flag inconsistencies in your research methodology.
Month 19 · D-Day
The system assumes full control over all DOE predictive modeling operations.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 96.4%
85 percent
Time spent cleaning dirty data
4 liters
Coffee consumed per model
daily
P-values interpreted incorrectly
Your severance
A lifetime subscription to a premium graphing calculator app.
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