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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Royal Whipping Boy jobs? · Latest report #jw7gn3wh
Your job has an expiration date
September 21, 2028
In 1 year, 11 monthsAbsorbing royal failures is inefficient when a pneumatic piston can do it.
Professional scapegoat for aristocratic underachievement.
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
Precision pain delivery for modern monarchies.
oof.you▸ SOVEREIGN-IMPACT-MITIGATOR V4▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 11 MONTHSAI's Special Power
delivers precise feedback pulses on command
Absorbing physical punishment for the prince's educational failures and behavioral transgressions within the royal court.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still offer a look of genuine disappointment after the strike.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Month 3
Sensors identify the exact moment the prince fails a geometry lesson.
Month 8
The machine adjusts its pneumatic pressure to perfectly simulate royal disciplinary standards.
Month 13
A camera captures the prince's reaction to ensure the discipline provides the intended psychological stimulus.
Month 18
Synthesized groans of synthetic woe replace your organic vocalizations during correction sequences.
Year 1.9 · D-Day
The machine fully assumes the role of professional proxy-sufferer in the royal schoolroom.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 95.7%
42
Whips per royal tantrum
89%
Average bruising intensity
0%
Prince's behavioral improvement
Your severance
One complimentary set of velvet knee-pads.
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