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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Sea Lion Massage Therapist jobs? · Latest report #xqtac88v
Your job has an expiration date
November 30, 2030
In 4 years, 1 monthMassaging blubber-heavy pinnipeds is a career path with limited ceiling.
Professional pinniped-whisperer with high tolerance for seal teeth.
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
Tactile therapy for the wet and wild.
ow.youAI▸ PINNIPED-EASE 4.0▸ RARITY · RARE▸ DEPRECATION IN 4 YEARS, 1 MONTHAI's Special Power
delivers targeted aquatic muscle stimulation
You apply pressure to the muscular ridges of sea lions to improve circulation and reduce joint inflammation. It involves physical manipulation of large, semi-aquatic animals in slippery, wet environments.
The one thing AI can't do
You can accurately read when a sea lion is about to launch an unprovoked bite.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 10
Smart-mats placed in holding areas begin tracking sea lion posture and muscle tension patterns.
Month 10
Algorithms map physical stress markers to specific seal vocalizations and movement behaviors.
Year 2
Robotic pressure-pincers calibrated for blubber-density safely trial massage protocols on sedentary sea lions.
Year 3.1
Automated platforms replace human touch with precision-controlled hydraulic pulsation and heat-sync therapy.
Year 4 · D-Day
Your physical presence is deemed an unnecessary liability in the high-humidity, high-bite-risk animal facility.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 96%
600 lbs
Average animal weight
Daily
Bite risk events
Constant
Saltwater corrosion
Your severance
A lifetime supply of lukewarm herring and fishy towels.
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