Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Sports Media Analyst jobs? · Latest report #g9dqg6gv
Your job has an expiration date
December 16, 2027
In 14 monthsYour hot takes are just predictable patterns waiting for a better algorithm.
Professional reactionary and unpaid intern for the algorithm.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Infinite opinions, zero emotional baggage.
split.youAI▸ STATNARRATOR V4▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 14 MONTHSAI's Special Power
generates winning narratives from raw csv data
Synthesizing game statistics, player narratives, and audience engagement metrics into rapid-fire content for digital platforms. It is mostly just summarizing box scores with more adjectives.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still fake enthusiasm for a meaningless mid-season game in a blizzard.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 10
Integration tools begin pulling play-by-play logs directly from league databases to bypass manual entry.
Month 3
Machine learning models ingest your previous articles to mimic your specific style of sports exaggeration.
Month 6
Sentiment-driven agents identify trending topics and write viral headlines without any human input needed.
Month 10
Decision algorithms automate the prioritization of which games and statistics warrant coverage based on engagement.
Month 14 · D-Day
The system assumes full control of the CMS and retires the human role entirely.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 98.2%
450
Average words per hot take
88%
Percentage of recycled opinion
3:1
Coffee-to-deadline ratio
Your severance
A lifetime subscription to your own automated replacement feed.
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