Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace SQL Database Administrator jobs? · Latest report #8hjgwhvi
Your job has an expiration date
December 17, 2027
In 14 monthsYour index fragmentation is just a cry for help from a machine.
Query plan whisperer and guardian of the schema.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Autonomic storage management for the end of time.
toast.youAI▸ DB-SENTINEL V9▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 14 MONTHSAI's Special Power
rebuilds indexes while the server is live
You monitor query performance and manage server health. You spend your life fixing locking issues and restoring backups.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still explain why a deadlocked transaction happened to a panicked senior stakeholder.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
Smart agents detect and rewrite slow queries without your input.
Month 4
Algorithms automatically rebuild fragmented indexes during low-traffic windows.
Month 7
Cloud-native services handle full restores and integrity checks autonomously.
Month 10
An identity engine enforces least-privilege access across all schema objects.
Month 14 · D-Day
The server logs you out and terminates your access forever.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97%
400,000
queries optimized per second
0
midnight alerts handled
negligible
downtime minutes per year
Your severance
A lifetime subscription to our monitoring dashboard.
Discussion
