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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Squirrel Groomer jobs? · Latest report #huq4abax
Your job has an expiration date
September 21, 2028
In 1 year, 11 monthsYour career prospects are as twitchy as your primary clientele.
Professional fidget-manager for nature's most anxious residents.
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
Sanitizing nature, one twitchy tail at a time.
shred.you▸ RODENTREFINE V4.2▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 11 MONTHSAI's Special Power
calms nervous rodents with ultrasonic frequencies
You spend your days brushing matted fur and removing burrs from frantic rodents. It is a niche service that exists purely because nature forgot to invent combs.
The one thing AI can't do
You can sense exactly how much stress a squirrel is feeling before it bites you.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Month 3
High-definition cameras map the exact geometry of a squirrel's fur patterns.
Month 8
The pod uses gentle air-cushion technology to secure the rodent without causing distress.
Month 13
Vision-guided pincers detach knots with more accuracy than human fingers ever could.
Month 18
The unit applies specialized treatments that eliminate pests in seconds, not minutes.
Year 1.9 · D-Day
The grooming stations run autonomously, rendering human squirrel-wranglers entirely redundant.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97.5%
14
Bites received per shift
92%
Average fur tangle density
0.3
Grooming speed in rodents/hour
Your severance
A lifetime supply of premium sunflower seeds.
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