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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Squirrel Whisperer jobs? · Latest report #a8up767f
Your job has an expiration date
October 12, 2066
In 40 yearsCommunicating with rodents is cute until a robot learns their frequency.
Professional chatter-box for nervous woodland rodents.
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
Superior syntax for superior squirrels.
stretchy.youAI▸ RODENTLOGIC V9.2▸ RARITY · MYTHIC▸ DEPRECATION IN 40 YEARSAI's Special Power
mimics alarm chirps at perfect pitch
You spend days tracking tail flicks, deciphering chattering patterns, and tossing artisanal nuts. Your job is basically a chaotic, furry, high-stakes game of telephone.
The one thing AI can't do
You are the only one who knows which squirrel is holding the secret map.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 10
Deploy high-gain parabolic microphones to record every nuance of squirrel vocabulary.
Month 16
Train neural networks to map specific chattering frequencies to movement and threat patterns.
Year 5
Install vision-guided feeders that dispense treats to specific squirrels based on social hierarchy.
Year 22
Emit synthetic high-frequency chirps to control squirrel populations through sound-based behavioral modification.
Year 40 · D-Day
The forest is now fully managed by the autonomous squirrel oversight gantry.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 96.6%
42%
Acorn Retrieval Efficiency
89%
Tail Flick Misinterpretation Rate
0%
Human Dignity Remaining
Your severance
A lifetime supply of premium organic walnuts.
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