Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Strategic Data Manager jobs? · Latest report #8t27de5z
Your job has an expiration date
December 7, 2027
In 13 monthsTurning student dreams into pivot tables until the database replaces you.
Expert in VLOOKUPs, pivot tables, and existential office dread.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Predicting the next semester without human error.
wheee!you▸ ENROLLMENTLOGIC X-9▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 13 MONTHSAI's Special Power
forecasts enrollment trends with perfect accuracy
You track enrollment trends and predict incoming class sizes. You manipulate massive datasets to forecast university revenue streams.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still explain to the Dean why the data looks wrong in person.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
Smart scripts begin scrubbing your registration datasets every single night.
Month 4
Dynamic web portals replace your manually updated leadership status decks.
Month 8
Algorithmic forecasting models outperform your internal headcount guesses by 40 percent.
Month 12
Legacy databases migrate to self-organizing cloud storage without your help.
Month 13 · D-Day
Your account access is revoked while the machine finishes your report.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 98.6%
14
Spreadsheet errors per week
12
Coffee consumption in liters
89%
Percentage of meetings about enrollment
Your severance
A lifetime subscription to our basic analytic software package.
Discussion
