Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Student Retention Assistant jobs? · Latest report #6u8exdsi
Your job has an expiration date
April 21, 2027
In 6 monthsYour job is literally to keep people from quitting their own jobs.
Professional ghost-hunter of the local community college hallways.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Keeping them enrolled through pure algorithmic guilt.
help!youAI▸ RETENTIONLOGIC V4.2▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 6 MONTHSAI's Special Power
sends automated enrollment nudges every hour
You track student attendance and call those who stop showing up to convince them to return to class.
The one thing AI can't do
You can offer genuine human empathy when a student mentions a genuine personal crisis.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 2
The system begins flagging at-risk students before they even miss class.
Week 7
Automated emails replace your manual check-in templates entirely.
Month 3
Voice agents take over the calls to students who stopped showing up.
Month 5
Attendance data updates the database without any manual input required.
Month 6 · D-Day
The retention system handles all student engagement without human intervention.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 98.9%
99.2%
Retention nudge efficiency
Zero
Call fatigue index
Your severance
A LinkedIn badge that says "Expert in Academic Abandonment."
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