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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Suicide Researcher jobs? · Latest report #qsstmfb5
Your job has an expiration date
October 21, 2028
In 2 yearsYour data models will finally stop ignoring the human variables.
Expert in statistical grief and mortality trends.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Quantifying the invisible crisis at scale.
split.you▸ MORTALITYPREDICTOR V9▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 2 YEARSAI's Special Power
aggregates thousands of distress signals instantly
You track mortality data and psychological distress indicators to identify population risks and evaluate intervention efficacy.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still hold the fragile nuance of a human story without losing your cold, statistical mind.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
Automated crawlers scrape global health databases to aggregate mortality metrics.
Month 5
Pattern-matching algorithms identify correlation signals faster than any human researcher.
Month 10
Neural nets simulate population outcomes based on real-time socio-economic indicators.
Month 16
The system generates policy-ready insights without needing human narrative interpretation.
Year 2 · D-Day
The system assumes full control over longitudinal health outcome assessments.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 95.8%
12 Million
Data points parsed hourly
99.8%
Sentiment analysis accuracy
Very high
Human burnout rate
Your severance
A lifetime subscription to our sentiment monitoring dashboard.
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