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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Systems Performance Engineer jobs? · Latest report #amnq8mnh
Your job has an expiration date
April 14, 2028
In 1 year, 6 monthsYour benchmarks are just fancy ways of measuring your own obsolescence speed.
Senior Engineer (Performance Benchmarking, Kafka-wrangler, latency-chaser)
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Automated latency testing without the human complaints.
stretchy.youAI▸ BENCHBOT PERFORMANCE SUITE 9000▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 6 MONTHSAI's Special Power
automates root cause analysis for every spike
You write scripts to measure storage latency and throughput. You explain why the hardware isn't meeting its specs.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still explain why a specific hardware anomaly defies the initial simulation models.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
Sensors begin logging hardware performance data directly to the central cloud.
Month 4
Scripts replace your manual dashboard summaries with instant daily performance audits.
Month 8
Robotic switching hardware resets test environments without needing your manual intervention.
Month 13
AI models learn to flag hardware failures before you even open Jira.
Month 18 · D-Day
The system validates its own performance and shuts down your access.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 96%
24ms
Average latency variance
4:1
Coffee-to-debug ratio
92%
Useless performance tickets
Your severance
A lifetime supply of premium dark roast coffee beans.
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