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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Technical Onboarding Manager jobs? · Latest report #kmi9qwy9
Your job has an expiration date
January 15, 2028
In 15 monthsYou exist solely to bridge the gap between bad documentation and confusion.
Professional cat-herder of brilliant but difficult software engineers.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Automated assimilation for every new hire
no no noyou▸ ONBOARDER-X PRIME▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 15 MONTHSAI's Special Power
deploys full access credentials before they login
You guide new hires through complex technical stacks and ensure their access permissions are correctly configured.
The one thing AI can't do
You can sense when a new engineer is truly lying about knowing Kubernetes.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
AI models ingest your wiki and rewrite it into readable text.
Month 3
Smart scripts handle all provisioning based on the user's role.
Month 6
Real-time agents walk developers through their local setup steps.
Month 10
Bots resolve access requests faster than you can open them.
Month 15 · D-Day
Your manual oversight is officially deemed a performance bottleneck.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 98.7%
14 days
Average onboarding delay
92 percent
Access tickets ignored
Zero
Slides read by devs
Your severance
One free pass to skip the next mandatory meeting.
Discussion
