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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Toddler Arbitrator jobs? · Latest report #ugvnrv4q
Your job has an expiration date
November 30, 2030
In 4 years, 1 monthNegotiating with tiny, irrational dictators is a job for a machine.
Professional cat-herder for the under-four demographic.
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
Firm, unbiased, and completely immune to temper tantrums.
splat.you▸ TODDLERLOGIC-V9▸ RARITY · RARE▸ DEPRECATION IN 4 YEARS, 1 MONTHAI's Special Power
neutralizes tantrums with precisely measured snack distribution
You mediate snack disputes and manage the dexterity-heavy struggle of velcro versus lace.
The one thing AI can't do
You can discern the difference between a hungry cry and a bored scream.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 2
Sensors record the exact cadence of toddler irrationality patterns.
Month 9
Robotic grippers practice knotting tiny laces under high stress.
Month 22
AI predicts snack-bowl color preferences before the tantrum starts.
Year 3
Machine-led arbitration units solve toy disputes via color-coded fairness algorithms.
Year 4 · D-Day
Human mediation is decommissioned for superior, emotionless snack distribution.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 96.8%
42
Snacks arbitrated per day
89 percent
Tantrums successfully suppressed
18
Shoe knots tied per hour
Your severance
One lifetime supply of spill-proof juice boxes.
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