Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace University CS Researcher jobs? · Latest report #p57gd2yr
Your job has an expiration date
October 21, 2028
In 2 yearsTraining models to replace the model-trainers is the ultimate poetic irony.
Professional reader of papers nobody actually reads.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Automated discovery, zero publishing bias.
shred.you▸ ACADEMIASYNC V4.2▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 2 YEARSAI's Special Power
hallucinates groundbreaking papers for tenure review
Conducts literature reviews, designs experimental algorithms, and drafts papers for peer review. Manages grant applications and trains graduate students in laboratory methodology.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still explain why your obscure dataset crashed the entire cluster in person.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
Large language models will scrape and summarize every relevant publication in your field instantly.
Month 5
Autonomous agents will write and optimize the research scripts currently taking you weeks.
Month 10
The system will generate coherent, cited manuscripts that satisfy peer-review requirements without human intervention.
Month 16
Automated platforms will generate and submit winning grant proposals based on institutional funding priorities.
Year 2 · D-Day
The laboratory replaces human researchers with an automated server cluster that never asks for tenure.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 96%
78%
Paper rejection rate
Excessive
Coffee consumption
Negligible
Grant success probability
Your severance
One lifetime subscription to academic citation software.
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