Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Vintage Retail Associate jobs? · Latest report #p48w6zdb
Your job has an expiration date
October 21, 2029
In 3 yearsSorting through yesterday's trash to sell at tomorrow's markup prices.
Professional curator of moth-eaten treasures and irony.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Perfect garment recognition for infinite inventory turnover.
stretchy.youAI▸ THRIFTLOGIC V4.2▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 3 YEARSAI's Special Power
filters moldy textiles using spectral analysis
You tag, steam, display, and haggle over decades-old garments for picky hipsters. Your inventory is unstructured, inconsistent, and smells vaguely of damp attics.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still lie convincingly about the provenance of a stained polyester disco shirt.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 10
Vision models scan and catalog every unique garment into a searchable database.
Month 10
Conveyor systems run items through high-pressure mist tunnels to remove creases autonomously.
Month 20
Gantry arms sort clothing by texture and year onto overhead rail systems.
Year 2.5
Algorithms adjust price tags in real-time based on current online resale demand.
Year 3 · D-Day
Human presence is removed to eliminate the inefficiency of retail negotiation.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 95.3%
42%
Stains misidentified as rare patina
0.3s
Seconds per item price-check
0%
Customer negotiation success rate
Your severance
One free vintage fedora and a steam wand.
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