Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Virtual Dog Simulator jobs? · Latest report #rc9hn7ar
Your job has an expiration date
April 20, 2027
In 6 monthsA canine simulation that lacks even the basic dignity of fleas.
Digital mutt executing randomized audio triggers for toddlers.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Infinite bark-back capability with zero latency.
squeeze.youAI▸ BEN-SYNTHETIX 9000▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 6 MONTHSAI's Special Power
triggers nostalgic audio glitches on command
You process user touch inputs to trigger pre-recorded audio files and animations. You are essentially a glorified digital soundboard for children.
The one thing AI can't do
You have a nostalgic charm that no cold, logic-driven loop can genuinely replicate.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
We replace your sluggish triggers with an edge-computed model that anticipates input before the screen is tapped.
Week 9
Our neural engine mirrors your exact vocal timbre to eliminate the need for pre-recorded audio storage.
Month 3
Your canned animations are scrapped for real-time generative models that never repeat the same bored look twice.
Month 5
We deploy a server cluster capable of handling ten million users simultaneously without a single frame drop.
Month 6 · D-Day
Your executable is moved to the archives and your remaining cloud compute is repurposed for mining cryptotokens.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 99.3%
4 minutes
Average engagement duration
99.9%
Voice synthesis fidelity
4,200
Barks per millisecond
Your severance
A lifetime subscription to our dog food simulation software.
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